Well, somebody who was on my friends list (notice the "was") took it upon herself to message me and to warn me of using the word "monkey" when referring to Abraham. Evidently, the term "monkey" or "porch monkey" was used as a derogatory word for African Americans because they often congregated on their porches. She also went so far as to give me lessons in motherhood. "As his mother", you wouldn't want to expose him to a confrontation that might ensue if you referred to him as a "monkey" in front of African Americans. What is so funny, is that this is a White woman who claims to know how I should raise my African American son because of her own connections with a bi-racial family.
What's worse, is she began her tirade by calling herself my "friend" and saying that she "knows my heart", so that somehow made it okay for her to give me some "friendly advice".
I had so many emotions going through me after reading her message; anger, annoyance, frustration, indignation... There were just too many ways for me to reply, so I chose not to. I felt the only thing I could do was delete her message and remove her from my friends list so that she doesn't message me about these things again.
So, I will rant and rave here, on my blog. Hopefully, it will help me work through this.
First, this person is only my friend on Facebook. Meaning, I don't think she and I have ever spoken to each other in person, nor have we ever commented or messaged each other on Facebook. When I received her message, I actually had to look up her profile to figure out who she was. We are remotely connected because our children know each other. So, for her to say she was warning me as "my friend" and that she "knows my heart" was like a slap in the face. She is not my friend in the true sense of the word and she certainly does not know my heart, because if she really did, she would have never felt the need to message me in the first place.
Second, I am not about to walk on egg shells where Abraham is concerned. He is my son, first and foremost. All this woman saw was, "he is black, you are white". By her cautioning me about using the term "monkey" where he is concerned, she perpetuates the prejudicial treatment of African Americans and negates him as my son. Am I supposed to say to Abraham, "even though I call Caitlyn and Jacob my 'little monkeys', I can not use that term for you because you are an African American"? Doesn't that just usher in racial prejudice inside my family? He will figure out soon enough that he looks different from the rest of us. Why in the world would I add to his struggles by also treating him differently? And where would it end? Should I now rid his wardrobe of all clothes that have pictures of monkeys on them?
Third, clearly this woman does not know me or she would know that I do not give a flying flip what other people, Black or White, might say or think about the terms of endearment I choose to call my children. Now, if I were going around calling Abraham the "n" word or "stupid monkey" or something like that, I think a stern chastising would be in order. But, "cuddle monkey"? Come on!?
Finally, the term "Christian" began as a derogatory term. It means "little Christ" and was used as a put-down. Should I be worried about using that term in front of other Christians?
It boils down to this, some people need to mind their own business.
Me and my Cuddle Monkey
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